Alert: potential downer

Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not slipping into another spiral of despair. The sun is higher in the sky, the days are longer, and, perhaps most importantly, I'm back at the gym. The outlook is generally good and I'm doing just fine.

Then again, the email I just sent to a friend begs the question - exactly what the hell is fine? This is what poured out of me:

Sometimes I feel like this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life - just more and more death. It's like somewhere a valve was opened and it won't ever shut off.

It feels like now that I've tasted the grief of death, it's to be a regular part of my diet.

Where does it all come from and why now?

As I ask the question, I know the answer. In part it comes from working in a newsroom - I find out about death, the manner of death and the pain of death. I guess it also comes from just working at all - interacting and developing relationships with a diverse group of people. And, then, of course, there's the fact of my own loss, which just makes me more sensitive to loss in general.

There. Analysis by Carolyn.

I'm sure that this must be an official grief stage, so that's progress, isn't it?