So this is the anger phase.

It appears that I have reached a new phase in the grief continuum, the anger phase. Actually, it's more appropriately titled the "anger and resentment" phase.

Inexplicably, I find myself resenting people I know who are happy, doing well and feeling good about themselves.

Now, if this resentment was targeted toward strangers - you know, people on TV who'd won the lottery, the scientist who won the Nobel Prize - that would seem reasonable. It'd even be reasonable if it was directed at people I know who haven't suffered any kind of loss in their lives. I have loss and grief and general dismay, they don't. Makes sense. Textbook, really.

But no, I get the good fortune of directing this toward people who I know, people who I care about and who care about me. Friends who have had their own losses but who seem happy at the moment.

Life feels hard. Happiness is fleeting, untenable. I want no part of those people who feel good about themselves.

How's that for healthy?

The only solace is that I know that it was my father who shared with me the following Gore Vidal quote: "When a friend succeeds, a little part of me dies."

I always thought it was kind of funny in its subtle truth. Right now, though, it just feels ugly.